Flip Flop Tic Toc
Monday, January 15, 2007
It's been six short months since my grand exit from Washington State where I left my dog, my home, my husband, and my job. Here's a brief analysis of how I've since spent my time in San Diego.
* July 2006 was entirely occupied with moving.
* August I began exploring the San Diego neighborhoods, and took a whirlwind trip to Arizona. To my amazement, I absolutely love that state...even in August!
* September I found my own apartment and was again preoccupied with moving and unpacking.
* October I dug into my craft studies, as planned. I explored various options; worked on learning software; taught myself Taaniko Maori loomless weaving; and tried to fix my printer problems.
* November was a continuation of October's efforts with Thanksgiving and Xmas shopping thrown in.
* December I registered my fictitious business name, Sand Dragon, with the county. Then I gave in to the holiday non-spirit, and my sails went listless. Oh...and I took a trip to Durango, Colorado, for the 1st time ever. Very nice.
And now it is January.
I'm lost...and angry. I feel trapped. And, no, I will not seek a therapist. I trust them as much as lawyers and I'm not tossing good money their way. period.
I compared several budget scenarios today. It is obvious to me that I will not be able to create enough hand-crafted products to pay the bills. And I cringe at the thought of wasting my good brain and healthy energies at some crappy, boring office job just to make rent. so....
I looked into going off-grid with a small RV. I did the budget estimates today. I might save a few hundred going off-grid, if I'm careful and have no major breakdowns. I thought the money saved would enable me to exist on craft work. However, the time spent on the inevitable learning curve those 1st few months off-grid would translate to very little time to craft. And...still...my savings would be slipping away while I fret. Also, one big set-back or lack of attention to detail, and my off-grid expenses match my current rental situation.
Last option is what I call the Ran Plan. (see link to Ran Prieur). Ditch the apartment and vehicle and all other luxuries, and that budget starts looking reasonable. So here are my current options as I see them:
* find an intentional community that isn't a cult and doesn't want all my worldly possessions and isn't religious or tyrannical or male dominated or just plain sick in some other undefined way; or...
* go back to conventional slave labor and sink into misery while I wait for the world-as-we-know-it to end; or...
* become voluntarily homeless thereby increasing my risks of insanity, victimization by violent crime, and/or institutional interference in my life in the form of forced drugging and forced brainwashing by gov and religious do-gooders.
What to do....what to do....the lady or the tigers.
Anybody want to buy a chunk of land in Central America and build straw bale houses with me?
sigh
I'm not insane; but I am feeling hopelessly lost right now. I haven't a clue and I need help.
Please tell me what you think...whatever that may be.
* July 2006 was entirely occupied with moving.
* August I began exploring the San Diego neighborhoods, and took a whirlwind trip to Arizona. To my amazement, I absolutely love that state...even in August!
* September I found my own apartment and was again preoccupied with moving and unpacking.
* October I dug into my craft studies, as planned. I explored various options; worked on learning software; taught myself Taaniko Maori loomless weaving; and tried to fix my printer problems.
* November was a continuation of October's efforts with Thanksgiving and Xmas shopping thrown in.
* December I registered my fictitious business name, Sand Dragon, with the county. Then I gave in to the holiday non-spirit, and my sails went listless. Oh...and I took a trip to Durango, Colorado, for the 1st time ever. Very nice.
And now it is January.
I'm lost...and angry. I feel trapped. And, no, I will not seek a therapist. I trust them as much as lawyers and I'm not tossing good money their way. period.
I compared several budget scenarios today. It is obvious to me that I will not be able to create enough hand-crafted products to pay the bills. And I cringe at the thought of wasting my good brain and healthy energies at some crappy, boring office job just to make rent. so....
I looked into going off-grid with a small RV. I did the budget estimates today. I might save a few hundred going off-grid, if I'm careful and have no major breakdowns. I thought the money saved would enable me to exist on craft work. However, the time spent on the inevitable learning curve those 1st few months off-grid would translate to very little time to craft. And...still...my savings would be slipping away while I fret. Also, one big set-back or lack of attention to detail, and my off-grid expenses match my current rental situation.
Last option is what I call the Ran Plan. (see link to Ran Prieur). Ditch the apartment and vehicle and all other luxuries, and that budget starts looking reasonable. So here are my current options as I see them:
* find an intentional community that isn't a cult and doesn't want all my worldly possessions and isn't religious or tyrannical or male dominated or just plain sick in some other undefined way; or...
* go back to conventional slave labor and sink into misery while I wait for the world-as-we-know-it to end; or...
* become voluntarily homeless thereby increasing my risks of insanity, victimization by violent crime, and/or institutional interference in my life in the form of forced drugging and forced brainwashing by gov and religious do-gooders.
What to do....what to do....the lady or the tigers.
Anybody want to buy a chunk of land in Central America and build straw bale houses with me?
sigh
I'm not insane; but I am feeling hopelessly lost right now. I haven't a clue and I need help.
Please tell me what you think...whatever that may be.
6 Comments:
commented by 
Shannon, 4:51 AM
Shannon, 4:51 AM
Thanks, Shannon. It's not that I don't want a job. It's that I don't want to contribute to the system that is causing our environment to collapse, adds to our unhealthy frantic pace (combined with a failed health system), and deludes us into thinking that "this is just the way it has to be".
Stay warm up there!!
:)
Stay warm up there!!
:)
After reading this blog entry you are at serious risk of becoming a personal hero of mine!
You are actually doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something very similar to what I´ve often thought of,in details down to the RV´s.
Except my plan is more cautious, I plan to keep my day job untill I can make a living of my creative skills.
And that has not been working out for me at all, I´ve done naught at all. Your make or break approach is i.m.h.o. a much better method.
I suggest to you some lateral thoughts in regards to how to make a living. Your interest is making crafts but that does not mean you have to rely entirely on that for your income. Diversify.
And it totally might work to start every morning and/or end every day by envisioning yourself successful as the person you dream of being, doing the things you dream of doing.
You are actually doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something very similar to what I´ve often thought of,in details down to the RV´s.
Except my plan is more cautious, I plan to keep my day job untill I can make a living of my creative skills.
And that has not been working out for me at all, I´ve done naught at all. Your make or break approach is i.m.h.o. a much better method.
I suggest to you some lateral thoughts in regards to how to make a living. Your interest is making crafts but that does not mean you have to rely entirely on that for your income. Diversify.
And it totally might work to start every morning and/or end every day by envisioning yourself successful as the person you dream of being, doing the things you dream of doing.
Thanks, Dreamer! Your positive comments mean a lot to me. My panic attacks about feeling vulnerable come and go like waves on the beach. In spite of the waves, I continue to look towards the horizon and stretch towards my goals; and most mornings I wake up with a positive attitude. I believe you are right about diversifying.
I join those who think we are all on the cusp of great social changes. Many of us see the current system as an out-of-control beast and each day more of us find ways and courage to break loose. I'm convinced the sacrifices are well worth the freedoms gained. Nevertheless, one must tread carefully.
Thanks for stopping by.
I join those who think we are all on the cusp of great social changes. Many of us see the current system as an out-of-control beast and each day more of us find ways and courage to break loose. I'm convinced the sacrifices are well worth the freedoms gained. Nevertheless, one must tread carefully.
Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Deb,
Bodhi522 from 12stepfree
I have been looking at communities and this is the only one Ive found that sounds like it might be sane and fair. Suntoad Farms www.ic.org
http://tinyurl.com/2e7wuj
the description sounds like it might be a good place. Not close to water though. Its close to Roswell NM :)
Bodhi522 from 12stepfree
I have been looking at communities and this is the only one Ive found that sounds like it might be sane and fair. Suntoad Farms www.ic.org
http://tinyurl.com/2e7wuj
the description sounds like it might be a good place. Not close to water though. Its close to Roswell NM :)
Hi Bodhi,
Thanks for the SunToad ref. I recall looking at SunToad several months ago, but shyed away (can't put my finger on the reason). I'll look again. Have you seen SunToad blogsite? Some pics there, too.
http://www.suntoads.blogspot.com/
Thanks for the SunToad ref. I recall looking at SunToad several months ago, but shyed away (can't put my finger on the reason). I'll look again. Have you seen SunToad blogsite? Some pics there, too.
http://www.suntoads.blogspot.com/
But really its not that bad. I know for me I have to work to survive, and then aftr work I get to live.
I do hope you find what works for you and makes you happy.