Out on the Limb

Want to come on over to my place and help me sort limpets?



I haven't looked at this whole collection since the kids were pre-teen. The shells are jewels; and I love the endless variety and beauty (just like people).

It is completely transparent to me that I will do everything it takes to avoid my many art projects. I have more than enough ideas, materials, and time. So what's the problem? Fear. Fear of failure and/or success...take your pick. Here are some of the things I do to avoid creating one of my beloved projects:

• organizing anything (right now the shell collection is calling me....and the legos aren't far behind)
• socializing on the internet, or searching for new places to begin socializing
  
• driving cross-town to get some unnecessary item; and
• stopping to see how the boys are doing while I'm at it.
• treating myself to a break (from organizing) at the ice cream parlor.
• Taking a trip
• Not taking a trip (but planning one) :)
• research and study how-to's (but still avoiding a hands-on practice)
• changing focus, from weaving to printing for example
• If I'm really close to taking action, I suddenly decide I'm hungry and need to prepare a snack.
• And as a last resort, I will tell myself I'm a morning person and it is not possible for me to be creative or motivated in the afternoon.

this must stop.

Until today I had been procrastinating utilizing "The Artist's Way...A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity" by Julia Cameron. I need to get past myself, so I will begin heeding her advice.

Also, I note there is a group called "Artist's in Sobriety" meeting Monday nights. Actually, I've known about this group for a long time but have been afraid to go because I don't really call myself an artist. But I do describe myself as having an artist's soul. Go anyway, Deb.

Here's a project (picture below) I started before I moved to San Diego. After this post, it IS what I am going to do.....except that the large bag of potatoe chips I just ate has made me sleepy. (just kidding) :0

This whole process of transition is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever attempted.



Note to self: ask for help; and have faith in what you know works

breath in; breath out

bush Brain Washing Ton

"I have always known that at last I would take this road. But yesterday I did not know it would be today." Narihira
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I'm comfortably settled into my new apartment. I've got my California driver's license, and changed the plates. I've let the money mongers know where they can find me.

Now it's time to address one of my biggest fears: success. I've noticed that my fear of success has everything to do with my self esteem. If I had confidence in myself, my fear might be of failure. Now that I've painted myself into a corner, my choices are: (1) learn how to be financially self-sufficient; or (2) get swallowed up by the big bad world. :)

Ok...ok. There are probably thousands of other choices available. But I'm going to try not to think of them. In fact, I'm going to try not to over-think. If I continue to put one well-intentioned foot in front of the other, the universe will provide. Right? I came across this Chippewa saying:

Inspiration,

Strength,

Compassion,

...and a whole host of other adjectives describe this wonderful story. Kru Nuannoi Timkul provides encouragement for me to go do something special. Yesterday I got a couple of free zoo passes. Perhaps the Eritrean Community Center in my neighborhood can help me find suitable recipients. I'll let you know.

My Flickr friend, minkminkmink, is designing T-shirts for a fundraiser for the Thai household of Kru Nuannoi Timkul. The shirts are not yet for sale, but already he is getting many requests.

Warms the heart, doesn't it? BTW, it is obvious our governments aren't going to step up to the plate. It's up to us, folks.

Speaking of selflessness, I went to the 21st annual R.O.O.T.S. to hear several speakers who practice selflessness to help maintain long-term sobriety. (translation of acronym = Remembering Our Old Timers Stories). Great stuff!

I had a great time walking around Little Italy yesterday. Today is another day of walking in the sunshine. I'm headed for the zoo to play with my camera.

This morning I had breakfast at a substance abuse treatment center. For a $6 donation, I got an all-you-can-eat breakfast of eggs, ham, pancakes, orange juice, and coffee....AND the chance to win $400. I must have looked hungry, because they sure piled on the food. Thanks, guys!!

Yesterday I attempted to reheat some of that Godzilla-like lasagne. Since my cast iron frying pan was already out, that is the pan I choose for reheat purposes. (Note--I no longer own a microwave.) To speed the process, I covered the lasagne with a lid. And to prevent burning, a small amount of water was added to the pan. My big mistake was to allow that lid to make contact with the pan on all sides of the lasagne; and it vacuum sealed itself shut as tight as Rove's ass.

I tried:

• pushing
• pulling
• shoving
• banging
• praying
• running cold water on the top of the lid
• placing the pan in cold water
• prying edges with fork
• poking edges with knife
• freezing (figuring the moisture would push the lid upward)

Today I removed my dinner fiasco from the freezer. I again tried all of the above. Then I got out the trusty nail puller/hammer team. Even so, it took me a good dozen pounds with that hammer to release the lid. Guess what's for dinner tonight!

In other Deb news.....I tried to download new software and was told my credit card was no good. Huh?! I tried again, with the same response: "Order Cancelled" So I called the software people. Nope, they said, the problem is with the card. So I called the bank. Nope, they said, your card is fine for the purchase amount, and in every other respect. So I stopped into the bank today and re-verified that the card is A-OK. And that's where I'm at right now with no resolution in sight.

Then I went to the bank that handles my checking and savings. I went to cash a check from my lawyer. (The same lawyer that billed me last month for who knows what which I ignored for who's knows why). That's when I discovered that my debit card was missing from my wallet. Huh?!!! OH NO!!!! Damn. I've been meaning to upgrade my sloppy loose-card wallet for the longest time!

I was advised to check back at home before cancelling the card. So I did. And it wasn't anywhere that I would normally place such valuables. So back to the bank I went to rework my security status. As I was sitting with the customer service guy....BING....I suddenly remembered where I had stashed that card. Of course, I didn't tell him that because my old card had already been cancelled and there was no point letting him know I had wasted his time.

I went home and headed straight to my closet to check the pockets of that old pair of pea-green sweatpants with the velcro pockets that I hardly ever...almost never....wear. Yep. That's where it was.

Never a dull moment around my house. I always thought it was the kids that caused the chaos in my life. Now that I'm living alone, I'm beginning to reconsider.

Kudos to anyone who can make a lasagne level with the casserole dish. Apparently, I am incapable...and I've been doing this for some 30 years.

Happy Birthday Greg !

I thought I'd try weaving with burlap....either a basket or floor mat. I had a large piece of burlap purchased for one buck from a museum. It was maybe 20 feet long. The cloth had been part of a backdrop to an exhibit for who knows how long.

It stank. And it shed.

At first I tried rinsing the burlap out in my tub. That was a fuzzball fiasco. (sorry....I forgot to take a picture of the hideous mess.)

Today I took the smelly fabric to my son's apartment complex to use their washers. I figured I'd get the last of the loose lint and stink out of it. Wrong again. The burlap did hold together well enough for me to get it from the washer to the dryer. But then I had to clean out the lint basket every 30 to 60 seconds. I kid you not. By the time I was done....the fabric looked more like swiss cheese and was coming apart in my hands like hair off a mangy dog. Yuck. I filled an entire shopping bag with lint from the dryer. And then I threw the whole mess (lint and rotten burlap) away.

Moral of story: You get what you pay for.


I played a game of scrabble during the wash cycle.
Once again....I got greedy.

Had it not been for three 0ff-the-wall made up words, I would have won the game.

But....noooooo.....I thought I was clever enough to take chances.




Today I also purchased ingredients for radish guacamole (my son's recipe suggestion). After spending $8 on avacados, I called to RSVP the potluck invitation. The hostess said they had more than enough food pledged (so to speak), but could I bring bottled water....? Looks like I'll be eating radish guac for the next week.

Actually, I'll just take a large portion of radish guacamole to the ever hungry offspring. Do you think being generous will counterbalance the karma of my greedy ways?

Oh.....Pahleeeeezzze. I purchased an ironing board today for $12.49. The above ad was on every ironing-related product in the store.

"Magical"...? Ironing stopped being magical over half a century ago.

"Rumpled-up life"...? Huh? It's an ironing board for criminey sake.

Ironing is a necessary evil, especially since I prefer natural fibers. And even so, I'll mostly be using my new board for sewing projects. But to suggest my life will iron out wrinkle free with my troubles vanishing before my very eyes is ludicrous.

Hello to whoever wrote the above ad.........I suggest you go back to that life-changing drawing board that enslaves you.

Give me a break. I can see that advertising is a necessary evil, too. But this is downright insulting.

Hey...WAIT! Maybe the advertisers have a point. Check it out.

Clowns are.....disturbing. I didn't think so when I was a kid. But now I do. This particular clown was nonthreatening, and most kids loved his balloon creations.

The picture was taken at the Normal Heights, San Diego, street fair held on the last weekend of September. Shortly after the fair, I noticed that a local gallery owner opened a "Fear of Clowns" exhibit. (Go see Dark Vomit, if you must). I was going to go see the display, but couldn't get beyond the sidewalk window. Much to my horror (which I guess is the point) was an original painting of Disney's seven dwarfs by John Wayne Gacy. That was far closer than I ever wished to be to Gacy's DNA. And, by the way, what planet was Gacy's wife living on? How could she not know something was terribly terribly wrong?

Do you have coulrophobia?

My youngest does. We....his loving family....joked that we should have blindfolded him and taken him to the "Fear of Clowns" exhibit...ripping the blindfold off at the showing to create an interactive display of his emotions when he came face-to-face with his fear of clowns.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH !!!!